I am so glad that the weather has been nicer recently. Frankly, I'm getting tired of all the cold...and worse, is the constant up and down of it. One week it's 60, and the next it's 20, with the wind chill at 10. Back and forth, back and forth.
It's been nice this week so far, with several days of 60s and up weather; and one day of almost 80. Now we'll just have to see this upcoming week if it decides to go back to the usual routine.
So, life is throwing me difficult decisions right now. Or maybe I've set myself up for it. Either way, difficult things are in front of me right now. I guess they were really there the whole time, and I've put off thinking about them until now.
I am just now realizing that I am going to have to do something with my life, and that time is not standing still; as much as I would like it to. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Not that I necessarily have to make a life-enslaving decision about a job this moment, but almost. I have never really been sure of what I wanted to do, so I have never really worked toward anything specific. So now I feel...rushed, almost, to choose something that I like to do, to work towards as a career.
After all, I don't want to be one of those people who ends up at a job that I hate, and stuck to it all because somewhere along the line I decided to start a family. Because let's face it, at some point, probably in the somewhat near future, I'm going to want to start a family; or at least a marriage.
Right now I am at a job that is ok for the moment and pays for what I need, and more even, but that I would not want to be stuck in; that I do not want to be stuck in. I just have a hard time choosing something, one thing, and settling on that to work toward. I still want to treat life as if I were a child, as if the future was so far out of reach that I would have to get a chair just to stand on the counter, and then while standing on the counter I could finally reach it.
What is your opinion on this? These are just my thoughts on it at the moment. They may not be very thorough.
Numbers 9:15-23
6 days ago
5 comments:
I just realized your tagline is out of Neil Young's "A Man Needs a Maid." What a good song.
I wish I had some Neil Young w/me right now. Sadly, i do not. I am at work.
In many ways, I'm in a similar position...just not when it comes to a career. I had a long talk with Jeremy last night, and I ended up feeling really crappy after the conversation. Usually, it's the opposite.
I realized that I still am attempting to cling to Missouri as "my life." I haven't really made any good, deep friends here, and that's something that usually doesn't take too long for me. One of super powers I suppose...
I realized I've been avoiding it. I haven't really been a part of a group at church either. I just go on Sundays.
So, here I am, really tired and trying to figure out what it would look like to step out in faith and just "live" here in CO.
I want to do something with my life, as you have said, but until I am able to really learn that my life is here and now, I won't be able to.
I find myself dissatisfied with just teaching. I love it, don't get me wrong, but teaching by itself just isn't enough. There's some energy or emotion or something inside me that wants to be satisfied, but isn't satisfied, at least, consistantly.
did that make sense?
Here's to figuring it out man.
I hope you're doin' well and that an epiphany would floor you today. When it happens, its usually pretty nice.
Talk to you soon man :)
Word Verification: epayba
Joel,
We've had enough conversations about this sort of thing that I don't think I have anything new or helpful to share. We do share many of these same fears, though; I guess I've learned to take solace in the fact that our lives here are meant to be multidimensional, and as such should not be wrapped up in one single thing (except Christ - not to be churchy...).
I'm praying for you. And also, I'm still not opposed to the KC idea.
I don't know what to tell ya. Sorry, I wish I did!
You'll be alright, Joel. You're a good man.
word verification: poopface.
I'm just kidding, it's: prershea
After thinking about it more today, I realized that my previous comment was a cop-out because I was too tired to think last night (cocaine seizure--don't ask).
But I feel ya. I kind of feel as though I'm in a somewhat similar place--though different, because I think I have more of a direction, but am forced to wait. After a long job search, I just started a job which has so far been depressing. I don't see much of a way out of the job. I'm wanting to go back to school really bad, but because of application deadlines, it will be a long time from now(probably 1-1.5 years).
Meanwhile, my ovaries are rotting, and I'm not getting any younger.
But really, I think the thing that will bring me the most encouragment is remembering God. He will stay with me even if the plans of my life are thrown away, if nothing is as I thought it would be.
Love ya, broseph.
Word verification: "ation" (as in "Thunderation.")
I read your Xanga post, by the way (I still get the e-mail subscriptions).
Just thought you'd like to know.
Word verification: submmu
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