Scribbles of a Townesman

A Fleeting Moment In An Eternal State

2011-11-05T22:05:00.000-05:00

This has been a relaxing night. Very nice.

Laura and I just spent the last hour or two laying on the couch, drinking herbal tea, listening to Norah Jones play in the background, and not thinking or worrying about a thing. Very relaxing indeed.

Earlier this evening I roasted a batch of coffee to drink tomorrow. That also has its own therapeutic effects.

Looking forward to attempting to make my first bagels tomorrow. All is well in my house right now.

It's moments like these when I feel like I am catching a glimpse of eternity: when I'm doing things that make me feel so alive. So I try to live in it for as long as I can before it is gone. Moments like these don't last long usually. But they give me such a boost of energy and joy for my life. Such a good feeling.

"In Motion"

2011-10-30T23:36:00.001-05:00

Day 30

In Motion

Here I am at the final day of the challenge. And I made it all the way through! I got behind a few times, but I began and ended on time. It was a fun time, thanks a lot Cary. Great idea!

These are my clothes (well, towels really) in motion for a few brief seconds after opening the dryer door.

"Purchased"

2011-10-29T22:02:00.000-05:00

Day 29

Purchased

I purchased all of these books yesterday and today at the library book sale for a total of $7.25. Score!

"Daily Routine"

2011-10-29T21:54:00.000-05:00

Day 28

Daily Routine

This is me waking up, going to work, relaxing at home after work, and going to bed.

"After Dark"

2011-10-27T22:36:00.000-05:00

Day 27

After Dark

"Something Old"

2011-10-26T15:07:00.002-05:00

Day 26

Something Old

I figure...probably one of the oldest things around.

"Sunflare"

2011-10-26T15:04:00.000-05:00

Day 25

Sunflare

Sunflare from my backyard.

"A Smile"

2011-10-24T21:07:00.002-05:00

Day 24

A Smile

This is my little twin nephew...Jacob or Justin. I always forget.

"Sunset"

2011-10-24T21:05:00.002-05:00

Day 23

Sunset

The sunset on my drive back to Kansas City. So beautiful.

"Trees"

2011-10-24T21:01:00.001-05:00

Day 22

Trees

This is a tree (and many other trees in the background) from my parents front yard in West Plains.

"Pretty Pattern"

2011-10-21T20:30:00.001-05:00

Day 21

Pretty Pattern

Nothing prettier than flannel...

"What I Read"

2011-10-20T19:33:00.003-05:00

Day 20

What I Read

Today what I read was the birthday note that Laura wrote me in our journal. And it was perfect. And no you can't read it too. It's private!

"Where I Slept"

2011-10-20T15:24:00.002-05:00

Day 19

Where I Slept

Where I slept last night, and every night for the past year: next to my beautiful wife.

"In My Bag"

2011-10-18T22:06:00.003-05:00

Day 18

In My Bag

This is what is in my knife "bag" that I take to work with me every day: Knives!!

"On The Shelf"

2011-10-17T18:19:00.002-05:00

Day 17

On The Shelf

This is the sweet cast iron tea kettle that my wonderful wife got for me for Christmas last year. When not in use, it sits on the shelf in our dining room. Keeps the tea pipin' hot!

"What I Ate"

2011-10-16T15:51:00.002-05:00

Day 16

What I Ate

What I ate today for lunch: roasted chicken breast with green beans, carrots, and tomatoes, fried okra, and salad. Not a traditional pairing, but it was all delicious.

"My Shoes"

2011-10-15T22:17:00.004-05:00

Day 15

My Shoes

These are my comfy house-moccasins. They keep my feet warm when my house is cold, like right now...

"Flowers"

2011-10-14T19:23:00.002-05:00

Day 14

Flowers

These lovely morning glories are some of the flowers that we inherited when we began renting our house. They go a little crazy sometimes, but they are very pretty.

"From A Distance"

2011-10-13T21:43:00.003-05:00

Day 13

From A Distance

My good friend Bette helped me out with this one...

:)

"Close Up"

2011-10-12T21:14:00.002-05:00

Day 12

Close Up

This is a close up of the delicious egg sandwich that Laura and I shared tonight.

"Something Fun"

2011-10-11T17:57:00.003-05:00

Day 11

Something Fun

This is my first attempt at seed saving, using a pamphlet I got at the FarmAid concert. I can't wait to plant my saved tomato seeds next spring! This, to me, is fun (along with other things, of course). Nerd, I know. Growing food is so exciting though!

"Something I Made"

2011-10-10T18:19:00.003-05:00

Day 10

Something I Made

These are the tasty hamburger buns that I made today for our dinner tonight with Tim and Davean. Yum!

"Faceless Self-Portrait"

2011-10-09T22:53:00.002-05:00

Day 9

Faceless Self-Portrait

This is my to-do list for tomorrow. Not that I feel my life is defined by a list of things to check off...but I have found that when I write things down and give myself projects to do that I can visualize and see myself accomplishing, it gives me inspiration to be active, productive, creative -- which is one reason this photo challenge has been a nice activity for me to participate in.

"Technology"

2011-10-08T18:50:00.004-05:00

Day 8

"Technology"

This is my "technology" drawer. For I don't know how long, I've always kept a drawer of random electronic/"technological" crap. Much of it never sees the light of day, but it is always nice to go back to when I'm needing something.

"Something New"

2011-10-07T20:20:00.003-05:00

Day 7 -- "Something New"

A new batch of roasted coffee.

"Childhood Memory"

2011-10-06T19:31:00.005-05:00

Day 6, Childhood Memory

Well, I may be the only one, but my childhood included many days watching the Buttercream Gang...oh yeah!

Day 6, Childhood Memory

"Someone I Love"

2011-10-05T19:38:00.003-05:00

Day 5,

"Someone I Love"

Laura wasn't too happy that it was Cary instead of her...but I made her get in the picture too, because, yes, I also love my wife :)

Ha!

"Favorite Color"

2011-10-04T16:07:00.003-05:00

Day 4

My favorite color happens to be green, as displayed on my shirt, water bottle, and the Elton John painting on the wall.

"Clouds"

2011-10-03T20:59:00.004-05:00

So, today's photo was supposed to be of clouds; and Laura and I had an extra challenge for the picture, because today was a cloudless day. Beautiful, but cloudless. So we had to get creative and make our own clouds.

The first photo is my setup for cloud making, and the second one is the results. If you look close you can even see the birds flying through the sky near the bottom of the picture.

"What You Wore"

2011-10-02T19:58:00.003-05:00

Today, day 2, "What You Wore."

Pretty much every day this is what I wear...or something similar.

And pretty much every day, this is where I toss my clothes after I get home from work.

"Self-Portrait"

2011-10-01T22:26:00.000-05:00

Started the 30 day photo challenge, thanks to Cary Joice.

First day, "Self-Portrait"

Here it is. I call it, "Ode to My Past."

-Joel

New Job

2011-05-14T20:42:00.005-05:00

I will begin my new job at Story restaurant this week. This makes me both excited and a bit nervous. Being my first job at a "nice" restaurant, I will be in a working atmosphere that I have never been in before; so there will be a lot I don't know yet.

That's also part of the excitement though. I'm glad to finally be in a place where I feel that I can get a lot out of this experience - a place like where I've wanted to be since I started this whole culinary adventure...

Training starts tomorrow and goes through Wednesday. Then, ideally, next Monday we will be open for business!

Social Net Worth

2011-03-06T23:13:00.008-06:00

Well, the count is down to 20 days!

I am more than ready to be done with school..again. I'm glad that I made the decision to go back to school though; and it has been a great experience overall, looking past the social malnourishment that has been my life, anyway.

In reality, though, I have gotten used to not being very social. Once I graduated from SBU, and most everybody went their own separate ways, I found myself lacking that deep sense of being surrounded by close friends in community, sharing life together.

And then I got a job that drove me into isolation, consistently being awake when nobody else was; being asleep when everybody else was up and about...and lack of social interaction became my life. I got used to it, even started enjoying the time I spent alone in my thoughts. It can be very easy to be with yourself: there's no one to disagree with, or be uncomfortable around.

But one of the reasons I moved up here was to be closer to friends.

And here I find myself in the same situation. Laura and I both have these tendencies to become isolated; and I'm afraid we both bring out the worst in each other in that respect.

So even though we can legitimately use the excuse that right now we don't have a lot of free time, and that our schedules are non-conforming to the average working person's, those moments that we do have free we tend to spend at home, afraid--in a sense--to get out into the world and interact with people. Afraid to make that first step to meet new people and become involved in the lives of those around us.

That is a goal that we are trying to work toward. We have made some progress, but there is still much to be desired in this area.

Something I love about the start of a new day is the feeling it brings with it: anything can happen, let God take over and make it what it has potential to be.

Job!

2010-11-16T20:25:00.003-06:00

So...I got a new job today. As of around December 3rd or 4th, I will be working at Cinzetti's Italian Market Restaurant.

This is a huge piece of goodness. As you may or may not know, I have been looking to move on to something different for a little while now, and it has finally happened.

So thank you for the prayers, those who knew about it and were doing so; and thank you also to those who did not know about it until now, and are just happy for me.

NO Stalgia

2010-05-26T17:03:00.005-05:00

Currently listening to: Drugs or Me by Jimmy Eat World

I finally made it down to West Plains to see my family on Monday. It's always good to get to see them, but it doesn't usually take a long time to be ready to go back. I am reaching that point now.

It's not because I get tired of being around them. I really do enjoy my family. But one of my problems is that I have a difficult time bridging the gap between past and present. For most, if not all, of my life I have basically sectioned off the different parts of my life. It's like in school, when there are different semesters, or years. We tend to relate things that happened back to those certain segments.

For me, it has been...about...six years since I really consider myself to have lived at home. Every time I have gone back since then, there has been a weird feeling in my stomach, of distant familiarity, past memories, not being able to relate to anything...It's like I'm visiting a ghost town, imagining what it used to be like to be a part of that community; except I have the actual memories of what it was like, but for some reason they are a bit unnerving.

I am a beast for nostalgia. It is one thing I know I shouldn't dwell on, but sometimes it can completely alter my state of mind, depending on what it is.

One thing about coming home that I look forward to, but that also is the cause of pain and wishing for the past is seeing my brother (for those who don't know what I'm talking about, I'm not going to elaborate, sorry. Just know that one of my brothers is not making the best decisions in life right now).

He's been caught up in his way of life for several years now--or at least the progression that got him to the place where he's at now--but for me it's still all new. I haven't been around him much. I still remember when he looked up to me and wanted to do things that I was doing. When I'm around him I feel awkward and I don't know what to say. I don't know the guy that I see.

I know people change, and they aren't what they were when they were young. I'm not the same person either, but I don't like his change. It's not who he could be..who he should be.

I'm going to get coffee with him later today, and I'm nervous about it. I have no idea how to talk to him, how to relate any part of my life to his.

Sorry for such an unhappy post when I finally do put one up. I just wanted to get this off my chest. If anybody reads this post today...or really any day I guess, I could use prayer about this, and so could he.

Thanks.

Sights and Sounds of Autumn

2009-10-10T10:21:00.007-05:00

Listening to: The Avett Brothers-I And Love And You

So I think I'm not the only one to say that I've been too busy...occupied with other parts of life...to keep up my blog lately. And apologetically, too. I've wanted to, but part of the fact also, is that hopping on the internet is not as convenient as once it was. Alas, that is a side effect of being low on money. One that I accept willingly, of course, as another phase of life.

But today I happen to be in a library with time to kill; and I'm in the mood to let loose some words. Part of which is due to the contributing factor of the weather today.
The first snow that I've seen this year has been touching down in flurries; and that, with the autumn sky, just sends me to a place where I am sitting in front of my warm fireplace with a steaming cup of tea, smoking my pipe and reading my favorite book, with a faithful dog laying beside me on the floor...which obviously makes me think of updating my blog. So that is what I've done.

The fall has fallen; cold air is drawing near
To me, I see a tree standing alone with no clothing on.
Whipping round, the wind, and the sound
Of what once was its beauty, crunching on the ground.

Interview #2

2009-08-14T15:51:00.002-05:00

So my first interview that I wrote about last ended up not working out...which sucked. But the other, more recent news is that I went in for an interview today at another place, completely not expecting anything out of it. I was actually almost expecting nothing to come from it. But that just shows me how much I know, because I left with a job! I am so grateful and so relieved to not have to worry about that anymore. I will finally have income!

Thank you God.

A lot.

Interview #1

2009-07-29T16:22:00.001-05:00

I have a job interview this Friday! First one since I've been here, minus the walk-in interviews that didn't seem to help me out any...

First Week Of Class Has Passed

2009-07-21T15:27:00.004-05:00

Class is intense. It's packed tightly into an 11 week package, so every four (or for labs, five) hour class each week is loaded full. It's fun, and interesting, but still might be a challenge keeping up with all the work involved every week. I'm not used to so much all at once. Well, for the last two years I haven't been used to anything at all. So I've kind of thrown myself in the deep end right off the bat.

Imik Ssimik A-Ssikchem Aram Tiqint

2009-07-02T11:49:00.005-05:00

Currently Listening To: My Homemade Best Of Josh Ritter Playlist
Currently Drinking: Chilled "Patriot" Smoothie at Scooter's Coffehouse

Well, this is the third full day that I've been here in Overland Park, and so far my plans for a lifestyle change have been successful. I have gotten up in the morning (which is so nice to do on a regular basis) and gone running. In Bolivar I meant to get out and exercise more, but it just never seemed to really happen very much. There is a nice trail running behind my apartment complex that helps out tremendously with motivation also. Not saying that I go terribly far when I run, but just doing something is start enough for me. "Imik ssimik a-ssikchem aram tiqint," as they say in Morocco, which means, "Little by little the camel goes into the pot."

And that is how I plan to get to where I can eventually run maybe several miles a day...little by little.

STATUS: LANDED

2009-06-30T19:47:00.000-05:00

So I’ve finally arrived at my destination: Overland Park, KS.

I am currently unemployed and, to be honest, it kind of feels good. I’ve got a short beard grown out (which hasn’t happened in two years!), and I can finally sleep during God’s designated sleeping schedule for us.

Yes, my time as an overnight security guard for SBU has ended, and I am enjoying some freedom at the moment. This freedom will hopefully (and sadly) be relatively short-lived, however. I still need to make money, so I am currently spending my free days (which happens to be all of them...) looking for a job. The most common phrase that I’ve heard so far is, “Well, to be really honest with you we’re completely full right now, but give me a call in a couple or three weeks.” That’s understandable. The economy is not so well right now and everybody needs a job. I’m just waiting for the one who says to me, “When can you start?” Until then, I’ll keep trudging on...

I still have yet to learn my way around here also. I spent most of my day today driving. I try to find places as much as possible without looking them up, so as to learn quickly from my mistakes. The down sides to this are that there are many many mistakes, and of course that those mistakes cost me gas money and time, which means my wallet suffers, without having anything to reimburse it with, and I don’t get as much done in a day.

Other than that, though, it’s been good so far. Being in a new place is always exciting. It’s like an adventure: so many new things and places to explore; new scenery. I like it.

Onward And Upward, And...Slightly Westward

2009-06-26T14:05:00.005-05:00

Well, tonight's the night. Tonight's the night. I've got a one-way ticket to the land of truth, and a suitcase in my hand.

Yes folks, no more overnight working schedule to bind me to those sleepless days I once knew. Today I begin the move.

The Moving Times

2009-06-04T21:46:00.002-05:00

Packing is such a task. And I always get distracted looking at things I forgot I had, rediscovering the treasures hidden inside the words of a book that's got a coat of three year old dust on it; or re-living the joys I once had, playing with a useless toy I bought at a dollar store longer ago than I can remember....things like that. I have gotten all the books off of my bookshelf so far though. Progress is progress.

Hunting and...Gathering?

2009-06-02T22:31:00.003-05:00

Well, I went job hunting.

And now all I have to/can do is wait...and call...

**UPDATE
I received a letter from the school today, with my official acceptance!

Old News For New Ears: New News For Old Friends

2009-05-26T08:30:00.005-05:00

currently drinking: mint tea
currently listening to: waterdeep, jens lekman

Okay, so, I have new news. It actually seems a little old to me now, since I've been telling people over and over when they ask what I'm doing this summer.

I have officially applied to culinary school at the Art Institutes International in Kansas City. I have been up there-to the school-twice now and as far as I know, there is not going to be any problem getting accepted into it. Technically I have not been yet, but the last time I spoke with the admissions guy he used the phrase, "welcome to the family," as well as telling me, "congratulations," in an email.

So, yeah, for those who don't know already: a few weeks (a month?) ago I started looking at culinary school after getting an email advertisement about it. I read a lot about it on the website and became increasingly intrigued with the idea, especially when I found that one was in the Kansas City area, to where I was already looking at moving. After putting my name and info down to learn more about it, the school called me and I set up an appointment to go see them. It went on from there...

...I feel like it is a good move for me, for one reason, just because it means I am making some sort of "first step" on my "journey of a thousand miles," as they say, to move my life forward. I have been feeling like my time here in Bolivar has been approaching its end for a little while now, and this gives me a concrete direction to head in, and a purpose in leaving.
I also feel like it is something that I will enjoy learning and be able to really get into and pursue effectively, which is something that I have struggled with my whole life. So if you are going to be praying anytime, and think of me, pray that I will be able to keep my enthusiasm and desire for this when the difficulty and frustration begin to infiltrate my utopiastic (made-up word, but hopefully you can infer the meaning from the root) mindset.

Anyway, if all goes as I think it will, classes start on July 13, which is just over 6 weeks from now. I am looking at and hoping to move up to the area around the beginning of July, which means that I don't have much time to find a job and a place to live. I have been doing a little bit of looking so far, and plan on doing a lot more. It does make it more difficult being 2 hours away, however, which is another thing that can be prayed for, if you think of it.

So, on that note, I have composed a poem dedicated to my home of the past 5 1/3 years:

[O, Bolivar Town, I Have Loved You, But I Am Leaving You Now.]

I am leaving you, Bolivar, forever.
I am leaving you for good;
Though I am grateful for your shelter,
And thankful for your food.

Yet linger still I must,
But only inasmuch as
The permanence that belongs
To a cigarette's fallen ash:

Waiting to be taken
Away by the nearest wind.
I am hoping to find a new home soil,
Settling therein.

Reflections on Yesterdays Rainbow

2009-04-28T08:30:00.007-05:00

--{:Update:}--

Currently Listening to: Joe Purdy: Last Clock On The Wall, Paris In The Morning
Recent Physical Activity: Running
Recently Purchased: A Modern Herbal (Volume 1, A-H): The Medicinal, Culinary, Cosmetic
and Economic Properties, Cultivation and Folk-Lore of Herbs, Grasses,
Fungi, Shrubs, A Modern Herbal (Volume 2, I-Z and Indexes), Bob Dylan: Together Through Life (Deluxe Edition)

I re-potted my plant yesterday, and also planted the herbs I mentioned. It was very fulfilling-probably in part because it was one of the most productive things I've done at all in quite a while. And the school called me back about ten minutes after posting. Yesterday was a good day all around.

And here I am posting two days in a row! A record to be matched, for sure.

Not to rely too much on the "feel good," but I have been recently feeling more positive about life in general. It's nice. It's kind of like, or, it makes me think of, i should say, when a rainbow comes out after the rain has passed.
When it rains, a lot of times I don't feel like doing anything. I tend to hole myself up and be unproductive. Not that I necessarily see rain as a bad thing; many times it's just an inconvenience. If it's not raining, however, there are lots of things that I could be doing outside. That's kind of how I feel I've been for the past year or so...maybe longer. Now I'm creeping closer and closer to a new era in my life, though, and it's refreshing. The rainbow is coming out and I finally feel like getting up and doing something. I could still have been productive during the rain, but now I actually feel motivated to be productive.
Rain is good for helping things grow, however. I'm not completely dissatisfied with this recent part of my life. Good things have come from it, and I've been where I've been because of my own choice. God allowed me to make that choice, and He has used it to help me grow, so I am grateful for the experience of this mundane-ness.

I realize this is basically void of details regarding the said "new era in my life" that I'm coming closer to; and perhaps you are curious as to what those are. Perhaps you're not interested at all. Either way, it is not because there are none to give. No, I have details which involve plans, but those are not firm plans yet, and I have issues with saying things before being sure of them.

P.S. Sorry if this is difficult to follow/confusing. Sometimes I don't get things across as well as I intend.

Vibrant Morning-time Blues (Reds, Yellows, and Greens also)

2009-04-27T14:45:00.006-05:00

Currently listening to: Band of Horses
Currently wearing: Star Wars Shirt, Khaki Shorts, No Shoes
Currently feeling: Positive

I love it when I'm up early in the morning. There's so much more day to do things; and you can't get anything like that peaceful feeling of the early morning-time. So far today I have:

Been to Wal-Mart (that manipulative beast of a store)
Gone to chapel (and I'm not even in school anymore!)
Changed a tire in the rain (a stubborn tire, at that)
Waited on the phone for over forty minutes with a school, then decided to hang up and wait for them to call again
Made a turkey sandwich

Still yet to do today:

Plant some herbs for future cooking (if all goes as planned)
Repot a plant that I already have
Go to a fundraiser and drink tea/coffee
Listen to more good music

Productive days are the chopsticks to my sushi

Adultolescencehood and Tornadoes...Ugh...

2009-03-08T22:38:00.005-05:00

I am so glad that the weather has been nicer recently. Frankly, I'm getting tired of all the cold...and worse, is the constant up and down of it. One week it's 60, and the next it's 20, with the wind chill at 10. Back and forth, back and forth.
It's been nice this week so far, with several days of 60s and up weather; and one day of almost 80. Now we'll just have to see this upcoming week if it decides to go back to the usual routine.

So, life is throwing me difficult decisions right now. Or maybe I've set myself up for it. Either way, difficult things are in front of me right now. I guess they were really there the whole time, and I've put off thinking about them until now.
I am just now realizing that I am going to have to do something with my life, and that time is not standing still; as much as I would like it to. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Not that I necessarily have to make a life-enslaving decision about a job this moment, but almost. I have never really been sure of what I wanted to do, so I have never really worked toward anything specific. So now I feel...rushed, almost, to choose something that I like to do, to work towards as a career.
After all, I don't want to be one of those people who ends up at a job that I hate, and stuck to it all because somewhere along the line I decided to start a family. Because let's face it, at some point, probably in the somewhat near future, I'm going to want to start a family; or at least a marriage.
Right now I am at a job that is ok for the moment and pays for what I need, and more even, but that I would not want to be stuck in; that I do not want to be stuck in. I just have a hard time choosing something, one thing, and settling on that to work toward. I still want to treat life as if I were a child, as if the future was so far out of reach that I would have to get a chair just to stand on the counter, and then while standing on the counter I could finally reach it.

What is your opinion on this? These are just my thoughts on it at the moment. They may not be very thorough.

Title: The KC Masterpiece

2009-02-03T09:39:00.005-06:00

So...I am thinking about moving to Kansas City. Don't know when (relatively soon, if it happens). No plans have been made. Just thinking about the possibility.

*also:

My electric bill last month was just over $300. I had them re-read the meter. It was right. Not only was it right, but just in the 9 days since the last day of the billing period, we had already used another 1000 KWH. That is 1/4 of the entire amount of KWH we used for the $300 month. I'm still working on the problem. I think how we had our heating set may have been the problem, and it was not shutting off periodically. Hopefully that was it, because I have nothing else to try, other than to not use any electricity at all...
Empire Electric are pirates, also.

Taxes, Toes, and the One-Sided Tonsil Tantrum

2009-01-28T18:18:00.006-06:00

-I went to the doctor today to have a tonsil looked at. The right one is bigger than the left one-has been for about 3 or 4 years now. I had it looked at about 3 years ago, but to no avail. I had it put out of my mind for quite a while, but for some reason I've been paying more attention to it lately. So I finally made an appointment and had a doctor look at it.

-I also thought I had bad circulation in my feet, since they get abnormally cold, even when I'm wearing layers of socks...

Turns out, my tonsil is not big enough to where it has to be removed, and there are no pus pockets on it; so that's good, but it doesn't help me any with knowing what to do about it. So I'm going to see a specialist.

And as far as my circulation problem: well, apparently that's nonexistent. I'm "just more sensitive to cold weather." There goes all potential extra attention for having handicaps.

-I finished doing my taxes today!!! Oh Yeah! Finally that's done.

The Nog of the Egg: America's Heartbeat

2008-12-29T09:05:00.005-06:00

The holiday is over now, and there is just one thing left for me to sort out:

Who, in their right mind, made eggnog strictly a Christmas drink, and not a Winter drink?!?! Christmas may be over, but Winter has only just begun. The buying of eggnog should still be in full swing, but the good folks at Wal-Mart are seeing to it that that doesn't happen. Maybe if I broadened my search past Wal-Mart I would have better luck, but my hopes are not high in this. After all, eggnog represents America, does it not? And Wal-Mart is at the top of the list for America's representation. Therefore, if there is no eggnog at Wal-Mart, there is no eggnog in America...

P.S. I realize that for such a lofty title, the content was less than satisfactory. Apologies...

A [Triumphant] Return From The Cave Of A Sleeping Bear

2008-12-16T16:33:00.005-06:00

It has been too long since I have written anything, I know. Just think of it as blogger's hibernation...I guess.

Or laziness...

It's cold. And I don't really care too much for it. I'm holding out for spring. Kudos to you, Cary, for moving to a place where it's cold for an even longer period of time (I'm assuming this, of course). I have never thought of myself as someone who suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder (so wittingly "acronymed" as S.A.D.), but at times I do find myself with some of the symptoms. I think that when this happens, though, what accompanies it is usually boredom. So perhaps what's best to do is grab a cup of coffee with someone, or play guitar, or something of that sort. I think that's what cures it for me, finding something to do.

And although I don't really care too much for the winter season in general, one thing I do enjoy is the Christmas season. Even though not everyone really has the right focus all the time-myself included in that-I just love the way the lights mix with the cold and the snow, the sound of the Salvation Army bell ringing, Christmas songs, and hot chocolate...It's like a collage of happiness in the middle of my least favorite season of the year. And in a way, it makes it all worth it.

Austin City Lord of the Rings

2008-10-01T16:55:00.004-05:00

So I went to Austin City Limits with my friend Casey Blakemore this past weekend. The plan was to see a bunch of good shows all in three days. And we did. We got to see Iron and Wine, Xavier Rudd, Allison Krauss and Robert Plant (and they played two Led Zeppelin songs), Abigail Washburn and the Sparrow Quartet, featuring Bela Fleck, and many many other great bands. On the last night of the festival at the last show, the Foo Fighters, Casey and I had gotten there early-ish and were not in great spots, but not horrible either. We were somewhere around the front of the middle section. About halfway through the show I notice a guy just behind me down on the ground searching for something he had lost. So, being the ever-so-nice guy that I am I ask him what he's looking for. He looks up at me with piercing blue eyes and says, "a leather tag." Now what he was looking for is not so much important to the story; that's just what he said to me. What is important to the story is the fact that when he looked up at me and said that, I realized that it came from none other than the mouth of Elijah Wood. There was no mistaking it. For the rest of the show it took all I had to not keep looking back at him...I felt ridiculous, being so..."starstruck," if you will. But it was freaking Elijah Wood, standing right behind me watching the Foo Fighters!!!
And he is a real hobbit, by the way. Probably only around 5'6"or 5'7".

Guitar Teaching Myself

2008-09-12T14:38:00.004-05:00

Listening to: Damien Jurado
Album I want right now: Learning To Bend-Ben Sollee
Breakfast drink this morning: Ti Kwon Yin black tea with milk and sugar

i'm going to make an attempt at learning the guitar for real...that is, all the theory and whatnot. i hope it goes well. i hope i can be patient enough to do it. Starting with learning/memorizing all the notes on the fretboard. This is stuff i should already know...i know. I just get stuck doing the same things, which involves everything but productive practice. If it takes work, I'm done usually. I'm going to try to work past that this time...this may not last. It hasn't lasted yet. We'll see.

Last Night

2008-09-09T16:02:00.004-05:00

Last night was a really good night. I can't say it was anything in particular that made it that way. There weren't any monumental happenings. It was just one of those nights. Maybe some of it was the weather. We got a few short bursts of hard rain, then some sprinkles, which cooled the air. It was actually a bit cold last night. But it was a sweet, crisp type of cold weather that was so nice to walk around in. And as I was driving all over campus through the early hours of the morning at work, I turned on the heat a little bit, listened to the complete albums of Lover's Prayers by Ida and The National's Boxer on my iPod and drove around just taking it in. It was one of those warm feelings that you don't try and look for...because it rarely happens. When it does though, you just let it.

I noticed recently that my car has been sounding louder than normal. Then last night I looked and saw that my muffler was hanging down pretty far. So I got down for a closer look and noticed that it also wasn't attached...so now it's in my backseat.

I felt like preaching tonight apparently...

2008-09-05T03:06:00.007-05:00

Sometimes it's hard to think about and accept that I am righteous to God. I look inside myself and see only the piles of dirt that I have acquired to go with my name. All I do seems to be for me. Gaining more and more to build up my own empire of Joeldom. I'm not even sure what that really means. But I have to constantly remind myself that, even right now when I am living mostly for me, God sees the real me that He has claimed and given life to. He sees the me that is so hard for me to see, because I'm looking with the eyes that can see in only three dimensions. I can only see and understand the selfish side of love most of the time. And when I can see more than that, it's only a glimpse. This all baffles and confounds me. I sometimes think that I have made sense out of God's grace in my life, but then at the same time I find myself still trying to do things to earn it. I think it may be more difficult to accept the gift of grace from a perfect love, than to try and understand it.

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Sometimes when I'm by myself, walking around town or something, i like to pretend that I am just wandering around and have no home to speak of. I like to wonder what it would be like to know no certainty of provision. Not that I have an absolute certainty of provision, but I at least have that illusion, and feeling of security in my life. I wonder, what would it be like to give up this laptop that I am typing on, the cell phone that I--most of the time--unconsciously rely so heavily upon. How would I deal with the feeling of not having a warm shower to run to each morning, dry clothes to change into when the ones I have on get rained on and muddy, accessories like my iPod or record player, air conditioning/heat when the weather is hot/cold, a backyard where I can make a bonfire and invite friends over? How would I live differently in this situation? I feel like my life would have more meaning; like I would think more about other people than myself. Many times I feel more attracted to that life than this one. And yet here I sit. I have all of these things still. I still take advantage of my luxuries and put too much dependence on them. But I don't have to. Just because I own something doesn't mean I have to live my life based around it. It doesn't have to control my thoughts and actions.

That's all I guess. It was on my mind. Might as well share it, right?

Facebook Is My Best Friend, Not The People On It

2008-08-06T10:58:00.006-05:00

Currently:
Listening to- Paste Sampler CD vol. 41
Doing- dishes/cleaning house

I just realized while I was looking at Facebook that anytime I find someone/someone finds me from high school, I accept the friend invitation, but for the most part I never put forth any effort whatsoever to make any kind of contact with them, even if it's just through the computer. I think I try to distance myself from my past. Not necessarily on purpose though. It just happens. Sort of like an automatic reaction.
And the majority of the people this happens with are not really people that I have ever been really close to; sometimes I don't really know them at all. I think it's partially because I see that our lives have gone in two completely different directions-as is usually the case-and I feel that there is no possibility of real connection or common ground, other than rehashing past memories.
I also think it may be because I have this thing about being fake...just surface living, where nothing real is ever exposed. I don't want to pretend with people that I'm interested in their lives, when really the only reason I'm saying anything is so I don't feel bad about ignoring them. And with most people I feel like I have to either be all in, involved in their lives, or nothing. Granted, I realize this pet peeve makes a hypocrite out of me, because I do the same thing all the time, but it's so much easier to notice in these types of situations. So I avoid it.

I have nothing to hold against these people. It is mainly driven by my need to stay comfortable in my own little world that I've acquired over the past five years I've been out of school. What could be worse than my world shifting a bit, and me learning something new, or being involved in someone's life? I know I can't think of anything...

Tomorrow Will Be A Long Time (Except it's really today now. The first day of August!)

2008-08-01T01:40:00.006-05:00

I have found myself staring into the abyss of my computer screen once again. It's getting close to two o'clock in the morning, and tomorrow is holding onto, just wating to hand over a present to me. Or can I really call it a present? There is no paper to wrap the gift, unless I decide to call the uncertainty of events--if any--to occur at work, wrapping paper. Yes. Three extra hours at the beginning, and two more added onto the end of my normal ten hour shift, to make one fifteen hour shift. That is what I can look forward to receiving from tomorrow's day.

Or should I just be thankful I have a job that gives me a steady income? One that is more than enough to meet my needs, I might add. Maybe I'm just complaining. No maybe; I am. But it's really more because it is the first thing that came to my mind when I decided to write a post than it is because of how much I am dreading tomorrow. I have done it before. I will do it again. It's only this week and next; and it will give me some extra money on my paycheck. Really I have nothing to complain about. It's a little sad that when I have nothing to say, all that comes out is negativity...
...........................................

Positive things about life, then, to offset the first part:

-The week has been good. I lost at Monopoly, and it was still a fun time.
-I really enjoy playing my guitar, and I have been doing that quite a bit lately.
-I have been eating some good food this week.
-I am about to become an uncle all over again to a set of twins.
-Good music. I have acquired some real good music.

That seems like a good one to stop the list on. There are more good than bad now.

I am tired and it is late. If you made it through my rambling nonsense to the end, you now know why it was that bad/uninteresting. But I'm leaving it.

Post #6

2008-07-14T15:45:00.003-05:00

Recently, upon the arrival of nice weather, I have become reacquainted with my love for front porch sitting. I enjoy it most on my days off when I have more freedom in my sleeping schedule and I can get up earlier in the morning, make a pot of delicious coffee, take my Bible or journal or some other book out with me, and sit in my lawn chair out on the front porch and enjoy the start of the day.
Mornings are the best time to make full use of a front porch (evenings take second, because there are usually more bugs then). There's just something about sitting outside early in the morning with one of my favorite beverages and watching the day begin. It's like God knew exactly what He was doing when he created the person that thought of front porches. I like to think that He did this just for me, as a present.

......................................................................................................................................................................

I have been trying to read more lately. Over the past few years, for whatever reason(s), I have put off reading on my own as a habit. I love reading, and in my younger years I read all the time, but somewhere around the time I came to college I quit doing it with any consistency. There have been many books that I have picked up and started to read, but that one sitting was as far as I ever got with it. And then I would pick up another one and do the same. But recently I have successfully finished two books. They took me a little longer than I was hoping for, but nevertheless they are finished. I consider it a successful progression toward a better me that I plan on creating, with help from God, of course.

Saturday...

2008-06-28T13:12:00.003-05:00

I bought a slackline recectly. I've been looking forward to using it, and today was supposed to be the day to enjoy it with some other people. It seems that this was not in the bigger plan, however. Somewhere around 3 am, torrents of rain happened upon Bolivar, and haven't quite found their way past it.

ah well..c'est la vie.

Mushrooms and the House of Mirrors

2008-06-23T15:17:00.000-05:00

I live in a house-a house of mirrors. This is not a metaphor. One entire wall in my house, floor to ceiling, is nothing but solid mirror. Even the trim around it-mirror. There are several other large mirrors placed around other areas of my house as well. I do not know why they are there. They just are. This, however, has nothing to do with what I was originally going to tell about, besides the fact that it's about my house.

My house is not all too new. Actually, it's kind of old. It also hadn't been lived in for at least a year (maybe two) before we moved in. So there are little things that we find every now and again that are not quite up to par. One of these things, which has been recently noticed, is a shower leak. Anytime I take a shower, there is water leaking out at the point where the tub meets the wall, and also right next to the tub, where the wall meets the floor (which is covered by very fashionable linoleum, made to look like hardwood flooring). I discovered that the water was getting underneath the linoleum, because when I went to the sink I heard a squishing noise, that could only be water underneath my feet. Not good. Well, the other night, I was in the bathroom and as I glanced over at the floor next to the tub, I couldn't help but laugh out loud. There on the floor, coming out of the linoleum right next to the tub, grew two mushrooms. Yes, mushrooms. Bad for the house, right? But also just too funny not to laugh about.
That is my story.

Panera's playing freezeout, but I will win...

2008-06-11T19:18:00.000-05:00

I have a confession to make. I am sitting at Panera and have been eavesdropping in on a conversation two girls beside me were having. I wasn't trying to at first, but then, sadly my curious side had to get in on all the gossip that is going on around me...about people that I have never met. This is information that I can do nothing with. It serves me no purpose whatsoever (unless I decided to use it right now and start in on their conversation with them).
But apparently whatever Justin told this girl not to tell anyone is some pretty juicy stuff, based on the way the other girl was begging to be told.
It's sad, that we/I are/am like this. As much as I say I despise this culture, which tells us that we need to be up on all the latest trends and know about all the latest celebrity news, I am no better.

P.S. The guy who works here is cracking me up. Any time a couple of attractive girls
come in and sit down, he makes sure to pass by every few minutes to see that they're "doing alright," but nobody else. I wonder if I ever do things like that...

Sleep: The Draining of My Life

2008-06-09T17:09:00.000-05:00

Sleep.

I feel like I am becoming more and more detached from the familiarity of
good sleep. I work overnight during the weekends. So on those days I am required to put off sleeping until I am done with work, at either six or eight in the morning. And on Sundays I only allow myself up to three hours of sleep before I go to church. Then I finish my sleep in the afternoon, when I have come back from church. So Sundays are probably my worst day for sleep, but I enjoy going to church (it is one of the highlights of my week, when I get to spend time with people), so I would rather not cut that out.
I guess I get good sleep on my days off. I usually go back to a normal sleeping schedule, with the rest of the world. But during those weekend days, when my sleep begins at the finish of many other people's, I can feel in my body the destruction. Sleeping during the daytime is just not the same as going to bed when the sun is down. I am glad I have not kept track of all the many hours that have been lost so far...i'm afraid of what the numbers might be.

All this to say...I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say. Just that I'm slowly losing lifespan, I guess. And that I desperately look forward to the future of my life, when my job doesn't require daysleep.

Firsts...

2008-06-06T16:35:00.000-05:00

This is the first post on my new blog, so it doesn't have to (and probably won't) necessarily be very good. That's the logic I follow for blogging...and possibly other firsts as well (i.e. first time making a cake, first one done with the test, first time skydiving...?).

Hopefully this is the first of a somewhat consistent stream of blogs on here, although I became lazy and stopped using Xanga, other than just checking it every once in awhile. Starting a completely different blog makes me feel like I can have a new beginning of sorts, so I'll test it out and see.